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I have all of my group chats on “Do Not Disturb”. I rarely participate. This accurately describes how I feel about them. …They know.

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My wife’s RW she makes dinner for the kids and asks them how it tastes, and they say it’s gross

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MR after stepping in a puddle with fresh socks right after changing them out because they were wet after stepping in the same puddle.

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MRW someone calls to ask me what I’m doing today after I already told them.

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When you’re friend is starting shit and you’re too loyal to let them finish it alone

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MRW our new neighbors (early 20s) ask us if we want to smoke up with them.

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HRW I buy the right kind of lettuce from the grocery without having to text her pictures of them

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MRW my friends ask me to do go stupid shit with them.

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MRW I have two papers due tomorrow but I’m having trouble getting them started.

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